My marriage to Jake was strong until he met Steve, who calls himself a relationship expert but doesn’t have a lot of proof. Jake liked how sure of himself Steve was, and soon he started making sexist comments about me, telling me I needed to “step up” as a wife.
Jake gave me a plan one night called “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.” I was shocked. With Steve’s help, I made this plan, which told me what to do every minute, from making gourmet breakfasts at 5 a.m. to doing endless jobs.
I chose to play along instead of blowing up. I gave a sweet smile and agreed to stick to the plan. Jake felt better, but I had something else in mind.
I made my own plan the next day, which I called “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” I wrote down all the ridiculous things he wanted: a personal trainer for $1,200, organic food for $700, and $75,000 to replace my pay since I’d be his full-time assistant.
Jake’s smile went away when he saw the list. Instead, he felt shocked and aware. He knew that his requests were unreasonable and put him down.
I told him, “Marriage isn’t about lists or rhythms.” “It’s about respect.” Jake said sorry and admitted that taking Steve’s advice was a bad idea.
We tore up the list together and promised to be equal in our marriage again. We learnt that relationships work best when both people back each other and don’t try to “improve” each other.
I learnt that sometimes you have to be brave to make things right in a relationship and earn back respect. I told Jake that our marriage is a partnership, not a project, by turning things around on him.
We came out of it stronger, with more love and respect for each other. What about Steve? Jake learnt that what he said wasn’t always true.
