Proposed to My Girlfriend, Now She Wants to Be a Stay-at-Home Fiancée – Am I Marrying a Gold Digger?
Before getting engaged, a young couple found out they were employed by the same company but had quite different salaries. The young woman wanted to leave her job after being engaged, which led others on social media to think she was a gold-digger. However, her fiancé disputes that.
A 30-year-old engaged man posted a message on the AITAH subreddit asking for guidance regarding a challenging circumstance he was going through and felt horrible about. He clarified that he, a researcher for a large tech company, first met his fiancée during an event at their shared office 2.5 years ago.
The 26-year-old completely enthralled the original poster (OP), who then asked her out. So far, their relationship is going great, and he really likes how organized the woman who works in marketing is. He was proud of the woman since she worked on marketing events and planning as part of her job, and she is brilliant at it.
Though his office desk job hours were more predictable and he rarely worked late, her work occasionally forced her to put in long hours. His fiancée frequently grumbled about how fortunate he was while she had to travel to do her tasks.
OP also disclosed that he is neurodivergent (ADD) and finds it difficult to do basic tasks, which is one of the reasons he adores her—she helps him with everything that has to be organized. He said she was patient and improving many aspects of his life.
At one point, when OP’s partner moved in with him, they had their first financial conversation. He was fortunate to have a solid benefits package, and although she was aware of his financial stability, she was nevertheless taken aback by his salary.
He was shocked to learn that he earns fifteen times as much as she does! In addition to offering to cover her living expenses, OP suggested she could concentrate on accumulating money for her student loan, which she had put off at the time.
The Reddit user owns their flat, but his fiancée—who was also his girlfriend at the time—wanted to help out. As a result, they divided their spending according to each person’s income. Because OP’s partner is an independent and self-sufficient woman, the arrangement worked well for her.
OP proposed to his fiancée one month prior to his Reddit post. She’s never asked him for anything expensive, but this time she asked for an approximately $15,000 diamond engagement ring. Although OP felt awkward spending so much money, she persuaded him that it was worthwhile as she would wear the item for the rest of her life. He continued by saying that anytime she displayed the ring to someone, she would frequently try to bring up the ring’s price throughout the discussion.
OP was uncomfortable with that and repeatedly requested her to stop, but she persisted. OP’s fiancée invited him to sit with her on the couch the day before he posted his post so they could talk about something significant.
She gave him a 15-day notice that she was going to be leaving her job the following month. She informed him she wanted to plan their wedding, which would take a lot of time, when he asked her what was wrong, seeming shocked. She wanted to get their reservations organized as soon as possible because they would be getting married in the summer.
The woman said she wanted to be a stay-at-home fiancée and was tired of working long hours when questioned why she needed to quit her job for that reason. He pointed her the remaining balance on her college loans, chuckled, and told her that was not an issue.
OP’s fiancée contended that since they were now a team and she made less money than he did in a month, she wasn’t concerned about the college loans. When he asked what she had planned for the post-wedding period, she said that she hadn’t thought that far ahead.
Although OP suggested she take a sabbatical, he clarified that he was uneasy about her giving up her work at such a young age, particularly since they weren’t expecting children for a time. Even after they got married, he wanted her to be independent in case something bad occurred to him.
There was a heated dispute that followed, with her believing he was being cruel by expecting her to work after they were married when they could afford for her to stay at home. Although OP was upfront in saying that their finances wouldn’t be impacted by his fiancée’s salary loss, the whole situation infuriated him.
He wanted to know if there was such a thing as a stay-at-home fiancée from Reddit users. Additionally, OP stated that although he sincerely believed his future wife was ending her profession a little too soon given her age, he still wanted to support her and provide her with a good life.
following a variety of comments from Reddit readers, some of whom thought the OP’s fiancée was a gold-digger.
“Did someone say gold digger?,” one person wrote. She will take advantage of you for everything you own. Her student loans are going to be paid by you. She is’showing off’ her pricey ring; next on her list will be the fancy automobile she must drive and a larger apartment or house. She wants the opulent lifestyle you can offer without having to put in any effort to support it. You two are not compatible financially.”
A few days later, OP came back with an update. He said that when he had collected himself, he had talked to her to find out why she was considering quitting her work. He brought up the topic once more after a lovely ordered meal, and this time he made an effort to be encouraging when he asked questions.
Following a defensive moment, OP’s partner said that she didn’t think her employment mattered because she didn’t make nearly enough money to support their relationship. He clarified that it was more than simply the money; it was also about her effort and talent in her industry.
The OP also mentioned how hard she had worked to advance to a position in a major company. He said that they didn’t have enough money saved up to take good care of her in the event of his death. The Redditor also expressed his concern that his high pay may make him a target for layoffs. He thought he made his argument clear.
She acknowledged that she felt overburdened by everything that needed to be done before their wedding day, but she agreed with much of what he stated. OP’s fiancée talked about how unorganized he is and how she will have to manage things on her own.
The woman bemoaned her lack of energy at the end of the week and her sense of burnout at work. She wanted to be able to arrange her wedding from a “happy place” in order to escape the professional stress because she felt like a workaholic with little money to show for it.
After getting married and taking a honeymoon, OP’s partner committed to looking for job. She desired a different role with more consistent hours than the one she was in. She emphasized that she didn’t want to be a trophy wife and even talked about going back to school to earn her master’s degree.
In their final exchange, OP stated that he felt her compromise was reasonable and she intended to step down the following week. OP claimed that because he was raised in poverty and tried not to brag to his family because not everyone had what he had, he understood why others called her a “gold-digger” and where they were coming from.
He thought his fiancée had become “that version of me,” but he also thought he had to trust his impression of her if he was going to marry her.
Although he appreciated her delight about showing off her engagement diamond, he thought most of his coworkers’ spouses also had more impressive jewels.
Once more, comments were made on Reddit. One person commented, “Yeah, the ring was a major red sign. Her eyes appeared to light up with dollar signs the moment she heard what he was saying. She no longer appears interested in OP’s viewpoints and seems to be pursuing the opulent lifestyle. Keep her from quitting.
Another reader said, “Get a pre-nup because, shocker, she will not go back to work after the wedding.” “Lol, she’s never going back to work,” said another.
“Her intention is to resign from her position and allow OP to cover all of her expenses, including her personal debts, in order to devote all of her time to organizing every last detail of a wedding to which she will be making no contributions whatsoever. After that ONE DAY, what is her plan? To just, like,… exist?” asked a Reddit member.
Someone remarked, “You lost any credibility when you said that your parents are insisting on you getting married this year,” in response to the OP’s update and mention of his parents’ insistence that he marry his fiancée in 2024. As a successful adult, you cannot expect me to take you seriously if your parents are still giving you instructions.”
“Engage a planner for your wedding. Who gives up their career to arrange a wedding? OP, she is putting you in danger and doesn’t want to work anymore. One reader said, “Get a prenup and make sure YOU use birth control.”
If you’re content, that’s alright. But don’t be that blind. Obtain a prenuptial agreement. She hasn’t worked since you were engaged, therefore you’ll be responsible for a significant amount of alimony because I seriously doubt she will ever work again. As you plan for the worse, hope for the best. Protect your future,” a worried Redditor suggested.
