Christmas is a time to be happy, laugh, and have fun with family and friends. What could be better than some funny Christmas jokes to get into the holiday spirit? You will laugh out loud at these jokes about everything from naughty monks to smart kids. They will make your holiday season better.
First, let’s tell a joke that will make you laugh. It’s Christmas Eve, and three men come to the golden gates. Saint Peter tells them to show something that represents Christmas. The first man lights a candle and says, “This is a Christmas candle.” Making noise with some keys, the second man says, “These are Christmas bells.” The third guy takes out a red pair of underwear and says, “Those belong to Carol.” This makes Saint Peter puzzled, and the man laughs. “Carol’s” – get it?
The next joke is about a husband who has a terrible headache and can’t remember how he got home from the work Christmas party. A note from his wife says, “Breakfast is on the stove, darling.” He finds a rose, two aspirin, a glass of water, and the room is empty. I bought the things you need for your favorite dinner. But when he talks to his son, he finds out that his wife didn’t really leave him; she just told him to be good!
The military theme in this joke will make you laugh out loud. Two troops are talking about their Christmas adventures, and one of them says, “I’ll never forget the Christmas I spent peeling potatoes for a week.” He is asked by his friend, “What happened?” “What do you want for Christmas?” the sergeant asked the man. “A new sergeant,” he replied.
People often say that monks are funny, and this joke proves it. For years, a monk has been making copies of old books. But one day, he finds a small mistake that changes everything. People have been stealing the word “celibate,” but it should be “celebrate.” It’s really fun to be a monk, who knew?
This joke is a great example of how families often have their own unique holiday customs. In Sydney, a father calls his son to tell him that he and his mother are splitting up. The son is shocked, though, and tells his dad to wait until he and his sister get there. The dad is happy, but not because he’s getting separated. He’s happy because his kids are coming to visit and paying for their own stay!
Shopping for Christmas gifts can be hard, especially if you want to find the best one. This joke is a great one. A man is being tried for starting his Christmas shopping early, and the judge wants to know what time he did it. He says, “Before the store opened.” The judge says, “That’s not against the law.” The man replies, “I know. I just wanted to get a head start.”
It can be crazy to travel around the holidays, especially if you have to go through airport security. This joke is a great one. There is mistletoe hanging over the luggage scale while a man waits at the airport. When he talks to the flight attendant, she tells him, “That mistletoe isn’t for kissing; it’s for saying goodbye to your bags.”
In general, kids have a unique view of the holiday season. This joke is a great example of that. A boy is writing a letter to Santa, but his mother tells him to write to Jesus instead because he’s been bad. After giving it some thought, the boy writes, “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…” and then he takes the figure of Mary from the nativity scene!
Teenagers think they’re smart a lot of the time. This joke is excellent proof of this. A boy asks his preacher father if he can get him a car for Christmas. Even though his dad says no, the boy says that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair. “Yes,” his dad says, “but did you notice that they all walked everywhere?”
Last but not least, here’s a joke about a guy who is shopping for Christmas presents. He calls his wife in a hurry because he lost her in the mall. He says yes when she tells him to think of the jewelry store where he saw the watch he loved. She tells him, “I’m in the lingerie store next door.” It’s really fun to get lost in the mall, who knew?
