Hey everyone, it’s almost Christmas! What better way to get into the mood than with some funny Christmas jokes? These 10 jokes, ranging from funny things that happen in heaven to silly family jokes, are sure to make you laugh and smile during the holidays.
First, let’s tell a joke that will make you laugh so hard you’ll cry. On Christmas Eve, three men are at the golden gates, and Saint Peter tells them to show something that represents Christmas. First man takes out a match, lights it, and says, “This is a Christmas candle.” The second man jingles some keys and says, “These are Christmas bells.” But the third man takes out a red pair of pants and says, “These are Carol’s.”
Next is a joke about a husband who is drunk and wakes up to a surprise Christmas present. After going out all night, Paul wakes up to find one red rose, a glass of water, and two aspirin on his desk. His wife told him in a note that she’s gone to get food and will be back soon. But while Paul tries to remember what happened the night before, his son tells him everything, including the part where Paul yelled, “Leave me alone, I’m married!”
We have a joke about a soldier’s Christmas wish because it’s funny about the military. When two troops talk about Christmases past, one of them talks about a time when he spent a whole week peeling potatoes. The soldier told the person asking what he wanted for Christmas, “A new serjeant.”
The end of our next joke is about a monk’s mistake. Brother David has been copying old books for years and now he has to check the original papers. However, while he is working, he finds a mistake that alters everything: the word “celibate” should have been “celebrate.”
In our next joke, family chaos is the main theme. On Christmas Eve, a dad calls his son to tell him that he and his mum are splitting up. As the son tries to fully understand the news, his father surprises him by telling him that the kids are coming to visit and will pay for their own journey.
Here’s a joke about someone who starts shopping for Christmas early. A man is on trial for shopping for Christmas gifts before the stores opened, which was a bit early. Asked what time he began shopping, the man says, “Before the store opened.”
Our next joke takes place on a trip to the airport. Dave sees some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale while he waits for his flight. The flight attendant tells him, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me—it’s so you can kiss your luggage goodbye” when he says it’s tacky.
The next joke is about a kid’s clever way of getting his Christmas dreams come true. The child changes his plans when his mother tells him to write a letter to Jesus instead of Santa. After writing a letter to Jesus, he decides to try to work out a deal. He steals the figure of Mary from the nativity scene and writes Jesus a new letter that says, “If you want to see your mother again…”
The subject of our next joke is a teen’s quick wit. The teen’s minister father asks him why he hasn’t cut his hair yet. He says that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair. “Yes, but did you notice they all walked everywhere?” his father asks in a smart way.
Lastly, here’s a joke about a guy who got Christmas wrong. He finds out he’s lost his wife while they are shopping. She tells him she’s in the lingerie store next to the jewellery store where he saw a watch he loved five years ago when he calls her. The husband is moved by the sweet act until he figures out what’s really going on.
There you have it: 10 funny Christmas jokes to make you laugh and enjoy the holiday. These jokes will make you laugh and get you in the holiday spirit, whether you share them with friends and family or just read them to yourself.
