Our trip for our 40th wedding anniversary had been on our minds for years. Just the two of us, we had planned a romance trip to Maine. Jane, our daughter, had other plans.
Jane tried to get her mother to let her and her family join us after she learnt about our plans. She blamed herself and said that her kids would be hurt if we didn’t include them. My wife wasn’t sure, but I knew we had to be strong.
Jane’s needs grew as the days went by. We were asked to watch her kids from bedtime to pool time and everything in between. From the start, it was clear that this wasn’t going to be a family trip. Instead, Jane and her husband were going on vacation, and we were going to watch their kids.
I chose to talk to Jane about it and let her know that this trip was meant to be for my wife and me, not for her or the kids. She wouldn’t listen, though. That made her angry and defensive. She told us we were selfish for not wanting to spend time with our grandchildren.
That’s when I knew I had to speak out. The trip was just the two of us after I changed our tickets to go back to where they were originally going. It was the smartest thing I’ve ever done.
We had the best week in Maine ever—it was peaceful, lovely, and great for our health. We got back together as a couple and marked 40 years of being together. Our daughter was mad at us when we got home, but I didn’t say sorry. Showing someone that your time and limits are important is sometimes the best way to teach them a lesson.
Jane’s family did go to the family vacation in the end, but they didn’t enjoy it as much as they thought they would. They were busy with the kids and didn’t have much time to themselves. On the other hand, our grandchildren loved every minute of it.
I’m sticking to my choice to set limits and put my wife and I first. Our daughter learnt a lot from it, and it made us realise how important it is to fight for our time and relationships.
