I expected my husband Dan to love and support me while I was pregnant. Instead, he shocked me by telling me to “save up” for maternity leave, even though he had no idea how hard it would be on my body and my mind.
His message, which was written on a piggy bank, set my heart on fire. I turned into a human computer and kept track of all the money I spent on pregnancy-related things, like vitamins and “hormonal cry sessions.”
I wanted to make a point, so I carefully made an invoice that listed all the costs, such as “mental distress” and “3 a.m. existential crises.” Dan’s eyes got bigger when he realized how much a baby would cost.
When Dan saw the amount, his face went from shocked to understanding. He realized he was wrong and agreed that marriage and having kids aren’t about splitting costs evenly, but about helping each other out.
I kept track of costs, like medical bills and “river dance” bladder wake-ups, for a few more weeks. Dan’s wallet got smaller, but he understood how hard things were for me more.
He finally gave up one morning and said, “I understand.” “I was wrong.” When he said sorry, things changed.
Dan took on more chores around the house, accompanied me to appointments, and even signed us up for pregnant yoga.
Dan apologized from the bottom of his heart as we sat there together. He knew he had put the wrong things first. “I stressed you out instead of supporting you.”
I agreed, and to seal our new relationship, we smashed the piggy bank, which stood for our change from doing our own accounting to working together as a team.
The broken pottery stayed as a lesson that marriage and having kids are about working together, not keeping score.
Have you ever come up with creative ways to clear up mistakes in a relationship? Tell your story.
